The Origins of the Team
by ZeNewSpy
Summary: The origins of the Team. This is my first fan fic so have mercy. P.s. Yeah I am planning to go into the history of the teams. I will try to update twice weekly so check! REVIEW OR DIE!
1. About Faggots, and Jarate

Author's notes

Hello good people of Fanfic, let me just say thank you for choosing my story for you to read this is in fact my first "thing" so I would appreciate any critique you may have.(Flamers are always welcome :D)

If it's too short let me know on ways to improve

* * *

It was a warm day at the outpost known as 2Fort. But contrary to it's simple appearance something major was about to happen. The only person on the bus (besides the bus driver) was a boy around 18. The driver of the bus picked him up 18 hours ago from a bus stop in Manhattan, he was the only person to get on. The bus driver knew there were 8 other people coming to this remote location south of nowhere. He decided to wake the young man up because they were only a few miles from there destination.

"Wake up there sleepy head will be there in a few minutes!"

"What the hell....," the boy said "It's like 7 A.M. Give me a few more minutes ma!"

After a few more muttered words he woke up, the bus then pulled up to the red side of their destination.

"Yo thanks for the ride there!" the boy said waving goodbye.

The bus driver chuckled to himself "If ya only knew what you were getting into "Rapid Recovery" is right"

The boy oblivious to this looked around at his surroundings. He noticed a blue bus pull up with a near look alike of himself get off. He waved, but the boy gave him the finger and walked into the blue building.

"Wow what an ass." he said. He walked through the tunnels and noticed a few things wrong. One the cows, were fake he tried touching one, but it fell over immediately. Two, the desert they were in appeared to go on forever, and finally. Three, there was a strange absence of people. He continued up the stairs to so walk into a room, it had 2 exits. One which led to the "battlements", and a second, which led to a area on as the intelligence. He decided to go into the second door.

"Wow this seems like a pretty freakin desolate place, no on even here, OH CRAP!"

He turned around to see a man wearing a Boonie hat and mirrored glasses.

"Whoa, mate don't worry I'm here for my job, Precision Elimination!" he answered.

"Well maybe you can help you can help me find my way around here."

The man thought about it for a sec, and then agreed. After walking down the stairs they entered a room with two more pathways that appeared to lead to the same place, they agreed to split up and take the two separate paths. They of course met up on the other side they saw 7 more people each sitting down in a room with a large TV and multiple consoles. They walked into the room and where they were greeted by a cold female voice.

"You are late, this is unacceptable!" the voice yelled. The boy cringed, and looked around. He almost chuckled to himself after seeing the other people in the room. There was a man who was wearing a doctors coat, and inspecting something that looked like a ray gun, standing next to him was a short man with a hardhat on, he was putting vials of some red stuff in a container. There was a black man(he kinda stood out)who appeared to be EXTREMELEY drunk. He turned around to be met face to face with a man in a military style suit.

"What's your name MAGGOT, or should I call you FAGGOT!" the man yelled only two inches from his face.

"Well um..... my friends call me..."

"SCREW YOUR NAME PRIVATE, IN HERE UNTIL THAT LADY GIVES YOU A PROPER DESIGNATION YOU WILL CALLED PRIVATE TWINLKE TOES!!"

The boy began seriously considering running back to Boston.

"Enough," the voice said again, "it is about time I give you your formal introductions. You will now be known as the Scout your name no longer matters."

"But.........." the Scout said. He could almost feel the voice staring at her"

"You doctor will now be called Medic." The doctor nodded. "Sergeant, your designation is Soldier, you over in the corner." The drunk black man looked up.

"Aye, am I the Black Scottish Cyclops!" he broke down in laughter before falling back asleep.

"(sigh) no toy will be called Demoman, you with the hardhat, you will be Engineer. The Australian man you from now on will be the Sniper. She went on like this until everyone had a name.

"You have all been called here because of your skills and abilities, you will assist us in keeping order between our rivals BLU."

Suddenly multiple alarms went off, and the cold voice began yelling. "Alert mission begins in 20 minutes. Your weapons are in the resupply rooms."

The Scout sat there for a moment realizing that in a few moments he was going to fight. He looked at the Spy again he looked familiar, kinda like the guy his mom was dating, but you know he is a spy.

He felt something sharp prick his arm. "OWWW!! WHAT THE HELL DOC! AW!" the Medic had pricked his arm with a needle and given it to the Engineer.

"Zhere iz no need to worry Scout it iz only ze experiment. Ja?"

"Better no be makin no freakin clones of me..." the Scout said (who was paranoid of doctors and the Soldier).

"Zhere is no need to worry about that _mon _friend I can barley stand one of you! HAHAHA!" the Spy said."

The Scout simply walked towards the resupply room. He noticed he had multiple choices. He looked at something called the Force a Nature. "Ha, more like the Force a Fail, lame" He decided to take something called a scattergun(he fired a few times) a pistol, and something called the Sandman. He then went back to the intel room to see that the route towards the large TV had been replace by a glass wall. He noticed the Engineer building something that looked like a turret.

"Yo, Engineer what's up with that thing?" the Scout asked.

"Oh, it's a little somethin' they gave me." It suddenly morphed into a double barreled mini gun thing. "WHOO-WHEE, this thing sure is a beauty, all I have, to do is hit, her with mah wrench, and presto! They also gave me a healing sorta thing kinda like the doc, but smaller. Refills ammo and everything, they even gave me a teleporter. 11 P.H.D.s won't prepare ya for this!" the Engineer said absorbed in his work.

The Scout was stunned, healing rays, teleporters, who would've guessed! He walked up to the battlements to find the Spy talking with Sniper."

"Ah good ta see ya mate! I was just showin Spy here my secret weapon." the Sniper grinned

"It's piss in a jar you imbecile!" The Spy yelled

"Wow Snipes that's inventive, besides Spy you got nothin to show!" the Scout said chuckling, wow after seein Engie's stuff maybe it kill on contact.

"Ah my ignorant friend," the Spy said disappearing from sight, "I count invisibility as quite a trick."

"Wow, all I got a lousy shotgun and a bat called "Sandman"!"

"Mission begins in 60 seconds!"

"Better get ready, mate" the Sniper chuckled.

Well it's time to get ready the Scout thought I hope I survive this!


	2. The Scout learns about death

Thanks for the reviews guys as I said I might never stop writing this so plz grab a snack and read! (or I will send Scout to bonk you heheheh xD jk kinda)!

* * *

As Scout loaded his weapons the Medic came up to give him a pep talk.

"Ah Scout you know zat if you need me I am only ze call away, Ja?" the Medic said

"Yeah, Yeah doc I gotcha, but ya can't stop and bandage me up, so......"

"Ah zat will be no problem, zis," he said pointing his ray gun, heals broken bones, cuts, bullets wounds, fire, and can even make people invulnerable, zat iz why I have named it ze Ubercannon. Alzough I will be mainly healing ze Heavy, Soldier, Pyro, and on ze rare occasion ze Demoman."

Heh Scout remembered the Heavy that guy was obsessed with sandviches and his gun Sasha. The Pyro was a little bit more sane although you couldn't here him talk so. Although was he a he. He/She had a freakin purse.

"MEDIC!!!" the Heavy yelled

"Ah, _dumpkophs_!" the Medic said running off already training his ray on the Heavy

"Mission begins in 5,4,3,2,1!" the woman yelled. Oh man the Scout thought here we go.

Suddenly bullets began flying he already heard a few rockets fly. The Scout realized he better move he ran and jumped onto the roof of the bridge. He loved to run he loved the feel of....

"Yo what's up asshole"

The Scout looked up to see his BLU counterpart sprinting towards him, bat in hand, grin on his face. The RED Scout pulled out his scattergun and waited until he was point blank and then fired.

"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" the BLU Scout yelled.

He grinned to himself to freakin easy he jump onto the opposite battlements he saw some blue spiked things but ignored them

"NOT ONE OF YA'S GONNA SURVIVE THIS" The scout wondered who it was until some explosions assaulted him throwing him off his feet he slammed into the wall opposite of the BLU spawn. His legs were bleeding he thought he felt his bones sticking out.

"AHAHAHA!" he saw the BLU Demoman come up, "Aye,I'm gonna have fun with you boyo." The Demoman raised his bottle, but he suddenly screamed and fell to the ground, the RED Spy looked at the Demoman and said, "The Black Scottish Cyclops now extinct!"

"Wow thanks Spy I owe ya one for that."

The Spy frowned then put on a extremely fake mask that had a photo of a BLU Sniper. The BLU Scout came up.

"Hey loser, I oughta kick the shit out of ya, but Sniper, ohhhhhhh, he's got a plan for you.

"That's right mate" the Spy said with a horrible accent. Wow we are screwed.

"When he's done with ya, I'm gonna tear your head off." he then ran off.

The Spy shoved him onto his feet.

"AH! That freakin hurt!"

He walked to the battlements and jumped, when he hit the ground, he began sweating because of the shooting pain in his legs. He just sat there and his nemesis BLU Scout noticed him. He ran up with, a evil smile on his face. He felt worthless,5 minutes in and he was already dead, he hoped his mom would be ok.

"Hey there, guess he was spy no problem I'll kill you, and him. HahahaHAHAHA, AH!

Suddenly a blade appeared in his chest. It was a blade with a syringe

"I am fully charged, heheheheh." the Medic said with a evil smirk. Although when he saw the Scout his faced changed to one of compassion. He offered him his hand with a smile.

"I'm zorrry Scout could you use a hand?" he turned the Ubercannon on him, when the ray hit him he instantly felt better. His cuts disappeared, his bones melded back into place, his blood dried up, he felt stronger, he felt like he just drank 5 cups of coffee without the crash(xD).

"Wow thanks, doc my bones there fixed, and my legs!" He jogged in place just to check.

"Here take zis _dumpkoph_" the Medic said jokingly, tossing the Scout a can of Bonk. "It will you dodge ze bullets." The Medic was suddenly serious. "Go check with ze Engineer, Ja? He needs you to do something."

They heard a thump and them turned around to see the BLU Demoman.

"HAHA, Ya couldn't see the bombs, with bloody two eyes." He saluted

The Medic looked at the Scout, "Hopefully we will zurvive zis." The Scout was confused, but almost cried, he was gonna die, no Spy, no Medic. He was going to die. The last thing he heard was the Demoman laughing.

For a few seconds he felt like he was swimming in blackness, until a bright light shined in his face.

"What the, ah that's bright what happened!"

"HAHA, it vorks, can you believe it Scout ve should be dead, but NO!!" had the Medic been the more lively he would have done a dance. The Scout felt himself(no not like that)he could feel his legs he walked over to the resupply cabinet and picked up his weapons Scattergun, Bonk, and Sandman.

"Did you make this, doc" the Scout asked.

"No idiot I compiled your DNA into ze database, when you die you will be reconstructed here."

All of a sudden the Sniper appeared.

"BLOODY HELL, stupid spies." the Sniper yelled. He then realized he was alive he then did his jump, fist pump. The Medic then asked the Scout to go see the Engineer. The Scout jogged over to the intel room. The Scout saw the Pyro running towards him flamethrower blazing.

"AHHHH!!!!" the Scout yelled, except when the flames touched him, he was unharmed.'

"Whoa Pyro before you do that again let me know OK!"

"Mumph!" the Pyro answered.

The Scout was not surprised after all he was working with teleporters and healing rays. He found the Engineer in the corner of the intel room. Standing next to a turret with rockets on it.

"Whoa, cool Engi that's pretty high tech man what else ya got!"

"The Engineer looked up and smiled. "Well pardner, guess since you're here, my Respawn System works, anyway this little beauty," he said tapping his turret "is mah Sentry. She shoots 100, .50 caliber rounds, per second, plus it shoots anti tank missiles."

"Wow Engi hate to be shot by that."

"Anyway that lady wants, you to go down to their basement and steal their intel."

"OK got it Engi!"

He ran out of the intel room and up the stairs. He met with the Medic on the bridge. He was healing the Heavy.

"YOU YES YOU, YOU ARE DEAD!" the Heavy yelled, he saw his counterpart the Scout fall dead under the constant barrage of bullets.

"Yo, Medic can you cause a distraction really quick, so I can grab the intelligence.

The Medic of course was happy to try out his next experiment, the UBERCHARGE, which grants invincibility.

"Ja, Scout, but ze Ubercharge is not a free zing, do not zink I will be handing ze Ubercharge like zis." the Medic said obviously pleased. "Let us move Heavy _SCHNELL_!" They moved through the BLU base unhindered until they reached the open area next to the intelligence. A Heavy-Sentry combo open fired. The Medic pulled a lever on his Ubercannon and they were bathed in red light.(that is the Heavy and Medic) The Scout ran past the Heavy and Sentry or at least what was left of them.

"Good Luck!" the Medic yelled.

Heavy: Ah was good Chapter better then last one

Spy: Indeed reviews are appreciated, and flamers are always welcome(xD)

Pyro: Mumph Hudda Hud Mumph!


	3. Meet the Mother!

No reviews yet, but they are appreciated as always! P.S. Any ideas, not that I don't have any it's just that, I would like a few!!!! xD

RED Scout ran down the steps to the BLU Intel room he looked around and realized that exactly mirrored his own base he ran into the main room, and saw a Red Engineer is this base(YES he has no idea about spies).

"Yo Engi don't you think that your a little bit far from home base."

The Red Engineer turned around, "No worries pardner you should....uh grab the intel yeah!"

The Scout was a little suspicious, so he asked "Hey do you know where the a Dispenser is."

"Sure it's right over.............." They stared at each other and the Engineer disappeared in a cloud of smoke for a few seconds and then he saw a mirror image of the RED Spy. Except wearing a BLU suit.

"HEY, YOU"RE THE GUY IN THOSE PHOTOS WITH MY MOM!!!!" the Scout yelled realizing that on his mom's camera, he found multiple photo's of a man doing unspeakable things with his mother. The Scout went in a blind rage. He swung his bat wildly not doing much except to amuse the Spy.

"You know your, mother was a great woman," the Spy mocked "IN BED HA HA HA" The Scout, valiantly dodged a stab from the butterfly knife, and hit the Spy over the head with his bat.

"Ah you _petit merde_ ugh" the Spy said after being hit over the head again with the bat.

"Yeah try that one on for size you shape shiftin rat! YEAH!"

Serves him right Scout thought, he ran into the intel room and picked up the briefcase he heard a loud noise and turned around he saw the Spy again alive and well.

"Ah you have to love ze modern technology, fake death, whats next!"

" What the.......how did you.........ahhh....!"

The Spy charged knife facing forward, the Scout jumped backwards and began sprinting, he felt a bullet hit him in the back, but he knew he had to keep running. He saw the BLU Heavy open fire on him.

"LITTLE MEN STEAL OUR INTEL!!!" he yelled obviously mad.

The Scout knew he was dead, that was until the Spy made a timely entry backstabbing the Heavy the Spy gave him a smile and cloaked. He saw the Medic paired with a Solider running down the hallway. The Medic healed him for a second, Scout already felt his wounds healing.

"Nice job there Private." the Solider said

"Yeah, Yeah thanks!" the Scout said reveling in his praise. He ran across the bridge through the tunnels and up the stairs. He finally began the slow jog to the RED intel room. He met up with the Engineer and Pyro who were guarding the Sentry.

"Well WHOOO-WHEE pardner, nice job, with that intel, even heard you took out one of those damn spies. Nice job now Pyro hear won't have to kill em!"

"Mumph Hudda Mhmmhmhmhumhmhmh!" the Pyro said happy to not have to fry someone!(contrary to his name)

"Yeah Pyro whatever you say." The Scout proudly walked up to the intel and set it down.

"Victory" the woman's voice said now happy.

After a few minutes the glass pane once again disappeared to allow access to the computer room.

"Ah good job my energetic friend" the Medic said, after they had all come to the intel room to converse.

"Maybe, this little man is not as bad as I thought." Heavy said.

"Ah mate, nice job out there wish I could have helped more though." The Sniper said, because he had killed only one person, with a Jarate, Kukri combo.

"Aye lad if you were old enough I'd lend ya some scrumpies." The Demoman said although he was kinda creeping Scout out with the glowing eye(courtesy of the Eyelander).

"Bah it was a job for a bunny run fast bah!" the Spy said.

They then all told there stories of their last battle.

"So there I was them cock-sure dandies were everywhere so I pull out me Eyelander, I cut off 1,2,3,4 heads before that stupid Engineer even got his bloody pistol out, but I took his head too! AHAHA"

"Ah, look at you baby's me and Sasha have killed many cowards today."

The Medic rolled his eyes, "Withzout me we would be using ze respawn system a lot more today."

"Speaking of which," the Engineer said, "the Spy was doin some recon, and we found they have a Respawn to so, don't think they won't be holdin a grudge. Also our respawn it appears that it works as our first pioneers." The Engineer pointed at the Medic, and Scout everyone chuckled, "have proven that the system works so no need to worry bout dyin."

"So Engineer that means even if we get put through a wood chipper we'll just pop up in that room. Kinda like a respawn" the Soldier asked realizing this will raise morale for his troops.

"Yeah, that's right."

"Hey um, Spy" the Scout asked.

"Yes, my little bunny(NOT GAY)." the Spy answered

"I was wondering um.... the other Spy did he really you know, do my mom."

The Spy chuckled..... "Ah my little Scout," he reached into his pocket and pulled out a folder and threw it on the table.

Multiple photos sprayed out of the folder

It showed Scout's mother in multiple positions of.....well a private nature. Pyro averted his gas mask. Solider, a man of the pin-up era picked up one of the photo's. Heavy picked up one of the photos and smiled. Sniper looked at one of the photos(one of the more graphic ones)and threw it away disgusted. The Engineer follower of the good book, turned his head and grumbled.

"What the........ah.....ehhh....." the Scout said stunned.

"Indeed I believe your mother iz ze newest porn star. (chuckle)!"

"Why you little..!" the Scout nearly flew across the table with a bat in his hand. The Heavy grabbed him with his free hand he was still examining the photo.

"MEDIC!," the Medic cringed at the sound of the Heavy's voice, "What are they doing in this photo?" The photo is to graphic to describe although Medic's reaction was to say the least surprised.

"Well, um Heavy vone day I vill explain zis to you, Ja." the Medic said dreading the day he would have to explain this to Heavy the intricacies of that photo.

"Thank you Doktor I will keep it until then. YOU little man STOP FIGHTING!"

"Why you LITTLE", he stopped struggling when he heard Heavy.

"ATTETION, I suggest you get some rest, because you will be leaving this base tomorrow, you well be shipping out to Badwater." the female voice said.

Everyone began to head to there designated rooms, for another day of war.

* * *

Heavy:Solider look at this one(points at photo)

Soldier: Ahhhh... indeed anyway reviews are appreciated, and flamers are always welcome!

Spy:Gentlemen, may I suggest ze Playboy!

All:Ohhhhhhhh


	4. Accidental Explosions

(WTF ONLY 1 REVIEW!) Hey people, that's right, no matter how much you hate/love me. I come back for more, As always Flamers, and critique are welcome. I know it's short but come on!!!! Enjoy! This one is longer!

* * *

RED Scout sat on a bus thinking about the last 2 days of his life. He looked out the window and saw that as usual they were in the middle of nowhere. As far as the eye could see, there were only roads and dirt, lots and lots of dirt. This bus(unlike the one he road in on) was comfortable there was air-conditioning, and comfy seats, which was nice, but that didn't take away from the fact that he was only going someplace to kill the same people. With Engi's new respawn system it didn't take long for everyone to test it out. Demoman decided it would be quite comical to blow himself up with his own stickies everyone waited, after the explosion with baited breath until Demo came out and exclaimed.

"Aye, this things bloody beautiful, she cured me hangover HA!"

Wow, after two days he had already been killed. The Sniper noticed he was in dreamland, and decided to come wake him up.

"Eh, mate I was wonderin' do you like it here, I mean with all the killin' and what not?"

The Scout thought for a moment and said, "Well ya know, I really don't care ya know since they can't really die."

The Sniper nodded his head and went back to his seat. Scout resumed his thoughtful position, and looked at his team. Engineer was talking with Medic, about some new weapon for the Medic. Something called the Kritzerkrieg, Scout had no idea what they were talking what they were talking about, somethin about manipulating the bullet's atoms to do more damage or some mumbo jumbo like that. Demoman was obviously drunk. The Soldier was educating Spy, Sniper, and Pyro about Sun Tzu.

Heavy was cuddling his gun and eating a sandvich. He always wondered what does Heavy do when him and Sasha are alone.

"ALRIGHT MAGGOTS! In exactly 5 hours our enemies will attack this location we should by this point have set up heavy defenses" the Soldier yelled everyone stared at him for a second and then went back to their business.

"I'M TALKING TO YOU NAZI!!" the Medic turned his head with an evil look on hi face.

"Ah ze _dumpkoph_, I suggest you keep quiet, because I am ze only thing standing between you and ze quick respawn!"

"Speakin of which," the Scout obviously trying to relieve the tension, "is the Respawn thing gonna work over here to ya know cuz the last thing I need is another Demoman to blow me up?"

"Of course, pardner, all we have to do is set her back up again. And then whoo-whee she's keepin y'all alive again." the Engineer said.

The rest of the ride was spent in silence (with the exception of the Demo yelling something about dragons). When they arrived the bus driver said, "Well once again I appear to be dropping you off to your certain doom enjoy!" Everyone stared at him for a few seconds and disembarked to see. Another base in the middle of nowhere.

"Well I is it just me scrumpy, or have we been here before?"

"Hmmmm, it appears zhere are some train-tracks. Where could they lead?" The Spy looked around after stating this.

"Perhaps we should inside. Ja?" said Medic

They noticed a pair of stairs sticking out of the desert, the rest of the compound was walled off.

The team of 9 moved down the stairs, and a pair of iron doors closed behind them.

"Uh oh, looks like we are stuck here with tiny blue cowards!" the Heavy said laughing.

They walked into a hallway, which had 9 doors each with one of their designations on it as they . The Scout sprinted to his door which when opened was the most perfect room he could imagine. It had a poster of Tom Brewer (Red Sox pitcher 1956), a Bonk Machine, a comfortable bed, it looked so soft. "Ah yeah, now this is somethin I can live with!"

The Medic entered his room which had examination equipment, a small bunk, and a library full of Medical Journals.

"Ooohoohooo! Zis iz something I can for ze spare dead bodies, hehehehehehhe..."

The Engineer's room was something, it had multiple tool boxes scattered about, along with schematics along with, schematics for new weapons for the team. They were then called by, the familiar female voice to report to the conference room.

"Mumphumph Muphmhm hudda hudda cohuhahauh?" the confusion was obvious in Pyro's voice.

"Maybe the bloody conference room, has some extra scrumpy, I think I can see straight again! HA!"

They wondered around fruitlessly for a few minutes before finding a sign pointing the a flight of stairs. (Don't worry I'll describe the rest of their rooms later.) When they entered they were met with another large TV screen. This time it had a shadowy face of a woman on it.

"Good to see you again, gentlemen, your performance at your last encounter was more than adequate. This is why you have received your obvious rewards. I hope you enjoy them. Now moving on your objective today is to prevent the other team from pushing this cart," a diagram appeared on the TV of a cart, "if the bomb reaches this headquarters," an explosion appeared on the screen, "you fail."

"So lady, how exactly are we 'sposed to stop em from movin it." the Engineer said because he was the most practical one on the team.

"You must prevent them from reaching the checkpoints simple, as long as one of you stands next to the cart it will not move. They receive more time for each checkpoint they reach." the cold female voice said.

"So you're saying all we have to do is keep those ladies from reaching these points and we win, HA this is a job for a group of PRIVATE MAGGOTS!!"

"If it's so simple you do it then ON YOUR OWN!" the Scout said.

"ENOUGH _dumpkophs_ we shall defend zis area at all costs. How long do we have to zet up ze defenses?"

"1 hour or so I suppose. DO NOT FAIL!" and suddenly the screen went black.

Everyone immediately sprinted out of the room, they went to their resupply room and ran off to do what they needed to do. Scout decided to follow Engineer. He went off to the cart, which was strangely unguarded.

"Dangnabit, if I could just disarm this damn thing, but I don't have the time could ya do me a favor, and go drop off this teleporter it's self assemblin' so just drop her off and when it assembles just take it to get over here."

"Yeah gotcha!" the Scout said already running back to resupply on his way there, he saw Medic charging his Uber with the help of the Demoman.

"Aye lad hope you're havin fun!" the Demoman said, he then accidently set of his explosives, blowing off his leg. Some of which hit the Medic

"AHH, _DUMPKOPH!_ It will take forever to heal zis! Move along Scout this might be awhile!"

The Demoman in his drunk stupor smiled sheepishly.

When Scout finally reached the resupply he put the toolbox down and sure enough it began to assemble! When it finished a red light appeared above it Scout decided if he died he would just respawn......right? When he stepped in he immediately appeared on the other end. Engi had been busy he already had a level 3 turret thingy.

"Well don't that beat-all she works!" the Engineer said with a look of relief on his face.

"HEY, I ain't you're freakin guinea pig!"

"Heh, no worries," the Engineer noticed that their BLU counterparts were at the respawn gate eying Engi up.

"Dammit, with this position they'll tear me up in seconds. (he's at the spot over looking the spawn surrounded by rocks)"

"Hey maybe I can get Medic and Demo to give you a little bit more time eh." the Scout said.

He already had ran off, he found Medic in the tunnel helping Spy with a fall wound

"Ah idiot can you not keep from breaking your legs," he noticed Scout, "What iz it you need Scout you know I am a very buy man healing ze _fraurliens."_

"I was wonderin could you cause a quick distraction for Engi, he needs a few more moments?"

"Ja, but remember I can not be doing zis often! Next time you do it!"

"MEDIC!!!" the Heavy called from the cart, "I HAVE HURT FOOT I NEED HELP NOW!"

The Medic ran off grumbling about how mentally incompetent his team was.

"Well my friend I am off to perform ze real work saving our teams asses! HA" the Spy then cloaked and ran off to God knows where.

"Mission begins in 30 seconds!"

Wow that much time had passed already, Scout ran off to get ready for another long day

* * *

Engineer: Well, that was a long one

Scout: Yeah that's what she said!

All: (silence)

Scout: Come on don't you guys, ah screw it, as usual reviews are appreciated

Medic: And ze flaming dumpkophs are welcome also! By ze way who took my anatomy book

Heavy: MEDIC!!!! What is this part of body?

Medic: (sigh)


	5. Duel of the Bats

Hey everyone I have decided at one point to go into the histories of each individual team member. Not right now but some time. I will! ENJOY!!

* * *

Scout ran as fast he could to Engineer's base he noticed Pyro by the dispenser. He gave him a quick puff of flame

"WOAH, man you gotta stop, it scares me!" the Scout said still wondering why he wasn't on fire.

"Ah, no problem he's just helpin' me guard my Sentry, not sure how them Spies do it but I can't have them getting their hands on mah Sentry!" the Engineer had a look of anger on his face.

"Do you know what they'll do Engi?"

"No, but Spy says they'll probably try to put on some kind of EMP!"

"Mission begins in 5,4,3,2,1!"

Scout heard the Sentry open fire, he decided it'd be a good idea to get the hell outta there. He heard the unmistakable, sound of two Ubers. Wait wouldn't that mean the other team has one too, Scout hoped he never had to go up against an Ubered Heavy! As he did some reconnaissance down, the tunnel he saw the BLU Demoman coming around for a sneak attack on Engineer. Scout reached for his bat.

"Hey what's up, ya one eyed drunk!" the BLU Demoman simply smiled at him, Scout noticed his sticky bomb launcher had a laser sight, and looked like it had caution tape all over. He pointed, the laser sight at the ceiling. Scout looked up they're were 14 sticky bombs on the ceiling(yes he's using the Scottish Resistance).

"HA, don't this seem familiar laddy!" Scout just sighed.

He then heard an explosion, and felt nothing. After a few seconds, he felt the familiar bright light of the respawn in his face.

"Ahhhh..... man I thought I had him!" Scout said. The guy had only one eye he shouldn't be that hard to kill. Suddenly the Spy appeared in the Respawn Center.

"Ze Pyro is ze _petite merde, _all he does iz run forward with his flamethrower blazing!(w+m1 pyro reference)"

"Woah, yeah I think you just suck Spy!" the Scout said with a smirk.

The Spy gave him a look of disgust and ran out of the respawn. Scout decided to take the teleporter. He stepped in it, and felt the familiar flash of light surround him. When he could see again he noticed that this area was in complete chaos. The RED Engineer, was crouched behind his Sentry, hitting with a wrench every few seconds. There were rockets hitting all around the Sentry.

"SCOUT," Engineer yelled over the explosions, I NEED YOU TO GO KILL THAT SOLDIER"

"GOTCHA!" he ran jumped off the rocks and landed on the ramp leading down to the BLU spawn. He pulled out his Scattergun and ran straight towards the Soldier.

The Soldier didn't notice him until it was too late. Let's just say there's a new decoration of Soldier on the wall(xD)

The Engineer yelled down a thanks, the Scout noticed the cart was no longer at spawn. He decided to run back to the roof that's where the Sniper was. He ran towards building up the stairs, but noticed something was wrong he sat his Scattergun by the stairs and walked up bat raised. He saw the Sniper, on the ground with blood on the floor, you didn't have to be Medic to know something was wrong. He saw his BLU counterpart. Looking at him.

"YEAH, that's right chucklenut, killed your Sniper, no one to save you now!" BLU Scout said already charging bat raised. RED Scout remembered he left his Scattergun on the steps, looks like it was gonna be a bat to bat duel! There bats clashed in mid-air with a crack. The BLU Scout obviously had the advantage due to his bat being metal, and RED Scout's being wood. BLU Scout aimed for a nice clean knock-out blow, but RED Scout blocked it. He climbed the air vents, and uttered a battle cry of, "NOW YOU"RE F***ING DEAD! (can you say the f-word in teen fan-fics)" He of course missed.. BLU Scout pulled out his pistol and shot his RED clone a few times weakaning him. He then ran and hit him the gut with his bat. RED Scout kicked him away, but BLU Scout pulled out his Scattergun.

-Ah man I can't believe I'm gonna die again- RED Scout thought.

Then he remembered the ball that came with his bat, he pulled it out and hit at the other Scout's head. This of course stunned him and he dropped the Scattergun. RED Scout crawled over picked the Scattergun. And shot his enemy off the roof. The BLU Scout screamed at the RED Scout as he fell to his death.

"I"M COMING BACK FOR YOU, AND WHEN I DO I"M GONNA (splat)!"

The Scout sat there for a second and thought.

-Well looks like I've dominated him heh-

He thought about calling for a Medic, but he was probably to busy. He just sat there and waited for the Scout to come back and finish him, but to his surprise his RED Engineer friend came up the stairs.

"Well, what happened here, pardner let me get a dispenser up for ya!" the Engineer dragged him over to the vents and dropped down a dispenser right next to him. In a few seconds the dispenser was up and healing the Scout. Of course it took a little longer then the Ubercannon, to do it's job, but it worked. The Engineer had already built up a new teleporter, and a Sentry.

"Right now she's only a level 2, but in a few minutes she'll be ready to go." the Engineer said with a smile.

"Yo, Engi," the Scout said in pain he could feel his ribs moving back into place, "Hey ya need any help with the Sentry?"

"Nah, the rest of the teams holdin off up ahead, you just stay here until you're fully healed."

All of a sudden the RED Demoman came up, "Aye lad's ya mind if I use your dispenser."

"Course not Demo, you know you're welcome here!"

The Demoman made an unusual smile and stood next to the Scout. He slowly made his way closer to the Scout.

"Aye, lad ya better be careful there's Spies round here wanna help me check?"

The Scout was so bored he agreed when they walked down the steps Demo said, "You can go first as soon as he walked through the door, he felt a sharp pain in his back.

"Well, off to visit your mother, HAHAHA!"

The familiar blackness surrounded Scout until he suddenly appeared once again in the respawn room. He quickly sprinted towards the teleporter. And the white light blinded him for a few seconds. And he saw the cart moving towards the second checkpoint. He heard the Sniper fire off a round at the incoming Heavy. The Medic was helping Heavy recovering from a nearly fatal rocket. Pyro was unhappily burning a Spy, who he/she thought was kind of attractive. Scout jumped down off the roof and landed and, narrowly avoided breaking his legs.

"Hey, Medic you need any help!" the Scout said(keeping an eye out for suspicious Demoman).

"Not right now alzough I could use a little covering fire" the Medic said.

The Scout ran off to provide a little extra fire power. The Soldier was firing his rocket launcher around the corner 'suppressive fire' more like bad aim.

"MAGGOT WE ONLY HAVE TO DEFEND FOR ONE MORE MINUTE! HELP ME DEFEND"

The Scout didn't see anyone coming so he just stood there. All of a sudden a glowing BLU Heavy came around the corner Minigun spinning. Scout made a bee-line for the safety of the roof. The BLU Heavy opened fire cutting down the Soldier . Luckily the Scout was already behind cover.

"MEDIC, we got an incoming Uber you gotta do somethin'!"

"Ah, I have ze full charge, maybe we can stop zem, LET US MOVE HEAVY _SCHNELL_!"

The RED Medic came out with the Heavy and Ubered him. They could not harm each other so they simply tackled each other.

"You yes you , YOU ARE DEAD!!" the RED Heavy yelled.

"Uh, oh!" the BLU Heavy said, because his Uber had depleted. The RED Heavy got out his Minigun, and finished the Heavy, Medic combo.

"Victory!" the woman said.

-Wow a minute passed already! This is easier then I thought!- the RED Scout thought. He then joined in the humiliation of the BLU team.

* * *

Scout: Wow that was pretty good work, there. But Pyro you really think the Spy looks good.

Pyro: Humph Mudumphapha!!

Engineer: Now y'all break it up, ya hear. As usual, critique is appreciated, and flamers are welcome.

Scout: But seriously Pyro, that means your gay, or.......

Pyro: MUPHHAMPUMPH!


	6. Don't Touch That

Hey, thanks for the people that read this story and stuff. I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE REVIEWS!!! (REVIEW OR SCOUT WILL COME AND BEAT YOUR HEAD IN!)

Scout woke up. He looked up at the ceiling, wow he was bored. There was nothing to do except bug Medic. After performing a solid defense against BLU yesterday, the familiar cold voice came over the intercom. She sounded extremely happy, she was even laughing. It kind of scared Scout. Their team was given the next day off. Scout decided to go down and get something to eat. He went into is closet, which contained nothing except the same outfit. Short red sleeved shirt, ankle length pants, and running socks. He decided to forget the shoes after all he wasn't going outside! He put on his clothing and ran into the kitchen/mess-hall. He looked at the time. It was 9 A.M. Since his mom wasn't here he could eat whatever he pleased. Scout looked around, for a military kitchen it was kinda tiny. There was a large table that sat nine. He ran towards a counter which he vaulted over. He opened the fridge.

"HA, jackpot!" he said with a smirk.

There was a variety of unhealthy things, which suited Scout just fine. He decided to pick up some Bonk, and some leftover streudel (German sweet). He sat down and ate alone. What was he going to do he looked around. He could go explore the base, but that wouldn't be any fun. He might get lost, or even worse...... After eating he went over to the fridge again, to see if there was anything else to eat. He looked in the back of the fridge and grinned. There was some beer, even though he was underage, who would care right. He was just about to pop the top when he felt a presence behind him.

"Ah, I see you are thirsty, Ja?" the Medic said with a smirk.

"Ahh......yeah.......you know Medic........it wouldn't you know......be a problem....or anything..." Scout said looking embarrassed, he thought about running away, but Medic would probably get him later.

"_NEIN_, _dumpkoph_ say no more, if I catch you doing zis again I will not be so understanding."

He proceeded to put the bottle back in the fridge. Medic then walked back to his room to continue his examination, of a once dead Heavy. Scout sighed, he had nothing to do, he could write a letter to his mom, but could he tell her anything Scout thought back to his interview. (All flashbacks will be in bold)

**Scout remembered sitting in an intel room sweating heavily. He noticed the few other people in the room. One was a short stumpy white man who was drinking heavily from a bottle, the other was a black man in a doctors coat, they were both bald. He picked up a package, it had several offers in it. One of them was Demolitions, well a company called "Reliable Excavations Demolitions", you would expect some explosions. There was another called Pyrotechnics, but Scout never really worked with fore. He saw another one for Doctor, well he obviously couldn't do that. There was another opening for Precision Elimination, Scout had no idea about that one, but he definitely wasn't precise. Scout also spied an opening for a job called, Intelligence and Information Gatherer. Well that sounded boring. It also said all talent is appreciated. He heard his name being called and walked slowly through a pair of doors into a room with a single table. There was a man at the opposite end of the table who Scout really couldn't see really because of his face being shrouded in darkness. The man motioned with his hand for Scout to sit down**

"**So is says here that you are fast yes?" a man said, Scout couldn't see his face because they were sitting in a room with a single light bulb, that was flickering quite a bit.**

"**Yeah, yeah so........I mean I ain't the fastest.......but I'm up there."**

"**Indeed, but for this job we are looking for the best, as you've seen from our job offer a person of your skills would best suited for the 'Rapid Recovery' department?"**

"**Yeah I saw it I just have to grab stuff and deliver it really fast. Right?" Scout said nervously this whole setup reminded him of an interrogation.**

"**You have to understand this is, a very fun and engaging job. You will work with 8 other people who would will become like your family. You must learn to have a family dynamic."**

"**Well.......yeah I mean I live with 8 brothers so..."**

"**AH! PERFECT, I believe sir you may have a job here!" the man suddenly yelled. Scout was confused how could having eight brothers qualify him for a job. **

A few months later Scout was on a bus to, where he guessed his job would be. He kinda knew something was up so he wasn't that surprised, but after all, the man hadn't lied. He did grab things and run really fast. He decided he would go ask Engineer about it. He jogged up the stairs, ran down the hallway until he saw Engineers door. He knocked and opened it.

"Well, hey who's that, Spy if that's you I told ya can't test you're stuff on mah machines, go bug..." he looked up and saw Scout.

"Well sorry pardner, Spy been here all day buggin me 'bout testin' his 'sapper'." Scout looked around at the tangle of machines. The machine Engi was currently working on looked like Demo's grenade launcher on a tripod stand.

"Hey, Engi, I was wonderin' can I write a letter to my mom tellin her what I really do or......"

"Well, sorry Scout if I were wonderin' about that I'd go ask Spy, he knows about all the rules." Engineer said.

Scout thanked him and ran off to check on Spy. He decided instead of knocking he would just open the door. But first he opened the door just a crack, just to see what Spy was doing. He noticed a photo of RED Spy holding hands with someone who looked suspiciously like his mother.

"YOU PERVERT!" Scout dove across the room hands raised in the strangling position. He tackled him, and started hitting him.

"What, OW, I have done nozing wrong!!" the Spy said yelling in pain.

Scout stopped for a second.

"Zat iz me with the BLU Scout's mother therefore I do believe you owe me an apology."

Scout sheepishly apologized, and then asked his question. He quickly looked around Spy's room was quite the thing to see. He saw multiple folders laying around Spy's room. He saw a map laying on the table with several locations marked on it.

"Hey, Spy I was wondering is it okay if I tell my mom what I really doing or is it a secret."

"BAH, why would I tell a _merde _like you anything leave before I am forced to somezing drastic!" Spy said angry that his suit had been damaged.

"Well can I guess ask Sniper, where is he?"

"On ze roof now LEAVE!!" the Scout was then promptly shoved out the door.

Scout decided he would sprint towards the roof. In under a minute he was already up the stairs and standing beside Sniper.

"Hey Snipes what are you doing."

Sniper was looking down the scope of his gun, "Just keeping an eye on that Sniper over there."

Scout was confused, "Wait isn't this a ceasefire, I mean you aren't supposed to shoot each other."

"Ah, don't worry mate I'm just keeping an eye on em. I won't shoot him." Sniper said with a smile," he knew that his counterpart wouldn't shoot him either. "Anyway mate I have to go, check on the the back route catch ya later."

"WAIT," Scout yelled but he was already gone he thought about leaving, "Ah well I'm just gonna......" He felt something sharp hit him in the side. He looked down and saw a needle pointing out of him.

"Ahh not again...................."

Heavy: That was good job, Da?

Spy: Indeed.

Sniper: Wait it's about time I got on in one of these things, I knew you were hiding somethin'

Engineer: Now wait ya know we weren't hidin anything from ya

Sniper: Hey, I get to say it this time. Reviews are appreciated and backstabbin flamers are welcome

Spy: You know we don't discriminate right, 'mate'

Sniper:Why you little.....................................


	7. Explosions with Best Friends

Danke, for reading my story, I have failed men......... I only uploaded one chapter (crying). BUT I WILL REGAIN MY HONOR! BY DOING SUPER AWESOME CHAPTERS THIS WEEK! P.S. I have a surprise for you at chapters 10 and 20. (thanks for the help you know who you are)

* * *

Scout excepted the usual blinding lights of the respawn, to awaken him any second now. He soon realized, A. he was awake, and B. he had probably been captured. His hands were tied behind the chair he was sitting in, and the room was pitch black. He couldn't see any source of light anywhere. The room also smelled a lot like grease, and black powder. He heard an argument, from what sounded like the next room..

"WHO TOUCHED MAH SENTRYYYY!!!!" It obviously wasn't the RED Engineer unless this was a joke, a cruel one for that matter. "Scout did you do it?!"

"Hey man I only touched it for a sec. It was blocking the TV." the BLU Scout said.

"I TOLD YA. DON'T. TOUCH. MY. SENTRY." the BLU Engineer said anger filling his voice.

RED Scout heard a shotgun being loaded.

"Woah, pal don't do it. Ah man, come on wait, wait, wait......" BLU Scout said fear rising in his voice.

He heard a shotgun go off, and then the Engineer's evil chuckling. He sat there for a minute, realizing that this team wasn't exactly sane. He tried struggling against his bonds, but realized he was quite royally screwed. The Scout remembered that if he were to be killed, he would simply respawn. He made it his official objective, to piss off the BLU so much that they would kill him. He thought of his brothers, wow if they could only see him now. He remembered when his brothers used to make fun of him. They used to say he couldn't do anything. But now he killed three people and died twice. He hoped his mom wouldn't miss him. He remembered some of his home life

**Scout remembered his block in Manhattan, his brothers were always getting into fights. His mom put up with it just because she loved her boys. Scout recalled walking up on his brothers latest quarry.**

"**HAHA, look at him little bro Jerry, missed another fight, you shoulda seen me I was kickin ass!" his oldest brother Joey said. Joey was a football player, he was quite the muscly guy.**

"**Well ya....ya..........ya......know one day, I'm gonna beat someone up." Scout remembered when he said that. His brothers had a nickname for him "Ostrich" because he could run fast but he was already hiding.**

"**Yeah whatever you say 'Ostrich' lets go guys." they ran off leaving him alone.**

**He looked at their latest victim, a innocent guy, he appeared to be what some would call a nerd.**

"**Hey, hey.......(whimper) please don't," the guy looked up, "Oh it's just you 'Ostrich go away." **

**He got up and walked away. Scout remembered feeling sad, even losers weren't afraid of him. He heard a siren and saw a kid running really fast. He jumped over a open manhole, and slid under a safety barrier. He continued to sprint, until he got to where an alley. He ran into it. Scout saw a police man running towards him. To make a long story short, when his mother came and picked him up she had a long talk with him.**

"**Now honey, you know you can't be doin that, right." Scout's mom had basically always looked the same. She had black hair, a modest face, and always wore plenty of eye shadow. She always wore red, which was one of the reasons Scout joined RED. Most men (and sometimes women) found her extremely attractive. Although she was also intelligent, (that was one of the reasons Spy liked her)**

**Scout stared sheepishly at the ground, "Ma, I didn't do it, I swear this kid ran past and the cops thought it was me."**

**Scout's mother frowned, "Hmmmmm, well maybe. But I think you should do something, that'll give you something to do. Then you won't get in fights, maybe football........."**

"**NO, MOM, I hate football!" then he had an idea, "Hey ma, you think I could do track racing."**

**His mom frowned for a second, and then agreed. The Scout's training had begun.**

He was broken out of his trance by the sound of a door opening.

"Well.......what do we have here, a prisoner." He looked up and saw the Engineer. He could almost here the hate in his voice. He looked for a way to get out, but could find none.

"YO, Engi, I'm gonna beat the.........." when he walked into the room he noticed the helpless RED Scout. "Well, well, this is gonna be fun." he raised his bat over his head. Scout thought it was gonna hurt

* * *

Medic was not a happy man. After examining a once dead Heavy. He discovered what seemed to magically keep him alive after being, bludgeoned, exploded, shot, stabbed, chopped, and bonked. It was his extremely large gut. Some smaller bullets could barely even penetrate, to reach his vital organs. Medic was currently looking over his heart, when he realized he was extremely hungry. He put down his bonesaw, and put on a new doctor's coat. He walked out of his room and walked into the mess hall/kitchen. He noticed Heavy staring off into space.

"Heavy, iz somezing wrong?" the Medic asked curious why he was so sad (and SASHA WAS MISSING).

"Nothing Doktor, it's just (sniff) Sasha is gone...." Heavy seemed to be extremely sad.

Medic also noticed that Heavy's monstrous plate of food was untouched.

"You know Heavy, you should really eat it iz vital for your survival."

Heavy simply sighed. Medic decided to make Beef Stroganov, something that Heavy always talked about. He said his mother made it for him. When the dish was completed he handed it to Heavy who simply looked at it and sighed.

"_Dumpkoph_, why are you not eating, zis is good food, Ja!"

"No thank you doktor, I can not eat since (sniff) Sasha is gone!" Medic noticed a tear come down Heavy's cheek.

Then Medic remembered, the most sacred of ALL German recipes, something that only kept people alive, but was delicious at the same time. Medic remembered making it for the German soldiers. If only Hitler had authorized it. (the recipe is super classified so look away)

Medic gathered the necessary ingredients. Ham, baloney, cheddar cheese, mustard,mayonnaise, two pieces of sour-dough bread, lettuce, tomato, and the most super secret/important ingredient. Olive on a stick. After preparing the sandwich, he handed it to Heavy. Heavy looked at it, and sniffed it.

"Doktor, what iz this?" Heavy asked curious.

"Zis iz the most special creation ever!" Medic said with a smirk knowing that Heavy would believe anything.

Heavy slowly pulled the Sandvich towards his mouth and took a small bite. He chewed for a second. Medic almost here the Hallelujah music playing. Heavy's eyes widened.

"AH, THIS IS SO DELICIOUS!!!" he gave Medic a hug, and ran off yelling "I HAVE NEW WEAPON!"

Medic realized this would only be a short term solution. He soon would remember Sasha was gone, and then return to his normal self. Medic remembered he was supposed to do a liver biopsy on Demoman. Medic was not looking forward to this, he was ordered by the voice that ordered him around. He thought for a minute, and then decided to go do an autopsy of Spy, maybe he could figure out how he managed to look like so many different people, after all a flimsy mask, didn't disguise a person or did it.

* * *

Demoman or Tabish Root to his friends looked outside the bus window. He was on his way to meet the BLU Soldier at a nearby bar. When he had first seen his close friend on the battlefield. He was stunned for a few seconds. And so was the Soldier, of course they both knew that they didn't have much of a choice, it was his job after all. They had been friends since college, Demoman had met him at a fight between Soldier and a group of men. After seeing him fight Demoman was impressed by his skills. After they left college Demoman went home to his mom, and Soldier went off to fight in WWI. Soldier had a habit of bragging about how many Krauts he had killed. They were no longer supposed to be friends after all, they killed each other all day long. He had bribed the bus driver to take him, and wanted to see his friend with out having to kill him. When they arrived Demoman hopped off the bus and walked into the bar. He sat there for a few minutes until Soldier came up.

"Heh, well look what we have here, a Scottish black man." the Demoman turned around to see the BLU Soldier with his hand out stretched.

"Oih, I didn't know they let ya out of the asylum." the Demoman returned. They both let out a hearty laugh. They shook hands and each ordered something to drink. Soldier being more of a being more of a classic man, ordered some whiskey, Tabish however ordered his typical scrumpy.

"So Tabish.........sorry about blowing you up back there." the Soldier said. He hadn't wanted to kill him, but his entire team was counting on him.

"No, hard feelings, OK lad." Soldier nodded, they talked for a little bit about there lives, caught up on each others teams.

"So, did I tell you about, our Engineer. Wow he sure is a crazy redneck, he is a twisted son of a bitch too. He said if he gets alone with anyone of you he's gonna have some fun." the Soldier said.

"HAHA, gonna have some fun, Ohahohoaha, that lads funny, I didn't no he was like that, aahahhah" the Demoman broke down laughing.

"EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS UP THIS IS A ROBBERY!" the Demoman suddenly stopped laughing to see two masked men, with pistols in their hands. Soldier began laughing and everyone stared at him, after all they were being robbed. Tabish soon joined in.

"Hey, hey what do we have here some.....jokers!" one of the men said. Obviously nervous most people don't laughed when they're being robbed.

"Hey, you SHUT THE HELL UP!" the second robber said.

The Soldier and Demoman suddenly stopped laughing. The Demoman reached into his pocket and pulled out a handmade bomb. Soldier pulled out a shotgun.

The two robbers peed themselves

* * *

Demoman:Ahhhahahahhah, that was a good one eh Spy.

Spy:They obviously lack refinement, they could have simply stolen the money.

Medic:Speaking of which wasn't it random that they robbed you like that?

Demoman: Anyhow, reviews are appreciated and bombers are welcome! HA

Spy:I believe the term is flamer


	8. Extra Manlieness?

Hahahah... yeah I know I didn't my two every week, but I got swamped in school, BUT I'm done now and I plan to continue this story. I really enjoy writing it, and when I'm finished with this one, I plan to do a story about the TF2 characters going to school, but to all my readers, thank your for reviewing, and favoriting! so... LET'S DO IT!

The RED Medic sat there for a moment and then sighed. After two days of studying the Heavy, he had not found what made him so resistant to bullets. Or damage in general. Over the past few days, he had not heard any plans of combat. During this period of time, the Medic had subjected the Heavy to many tests, he was to say the least surprised. He had given the Heavy a promise of food, in exchange for him running an "obstacle course". This "course" was in actuality a warehouse the Soldier had discovered while looking for any listening devices. The course consisted of bombs, bats, rockets, bullets, a handy headshot courtesy of the Sniper, and a really big pit. The Engineer had to remove the constraints that prevented friendly fire for a few minutes, but he seemed happy, after all he got to test his new teleporter. Funny thing was as soon as the Heavy began the teleport he simply appeared in the respawn room. When the Engineer asked what happened the Heavy shuddered and would not answer. But as for the results of the tests. They appeared to barely harm him the pit of course killed him, but as for the other tests. After respawning he smiled and promptly demanded his food. The RED Medic turned around and stood up. He decided it would be good to visit a fellow scientist (although the Medic's medical degree was highly questionable). He opened the door and walked across the hallway. He politely knocked and opened the door. The Engineer was looking at the manual for his Medigun.

"Hey doc, take a gander at this right here." the Engineer said,

He tossed the manual to the Medic who caught it. Upon opening it he noticed that it wasn't that complex. He had never looked at it, but he had assumed that pulling the lever was all there was to it. The Manual said:

HELLO THERE TEAM SAVER

_**NOW TODAY WITH THIS NEW INVENTION FROM**_ Saxton Hale Mann Co. _**YOU TOO CAN BECOME THE LIFE SAVER THAT YOU WERE ALWAYS MEANT TO BE. AS SITUATION REQIURES YOU ARE PROBABLY THE LEAST COMBAT ORIENTED PERSON IN YOUR GROUP. SO WITH THE NEW MEDIGUN YOU CAN SAVE YOUR TEAM MEMBERS FROM IMMINENT DOOM. WITH THIS NEW EQUIPMENT YOU CAN PARTLY REGROW LIMBS, CURE THIRD DEGREE BURNS, HEAL BULLET WOUNDS, AND NOW YOU CAN EVEN GIVE TEAMMATES THAT EXTRA BOOST THEY NEED TO SURVIVE. THOSE IDIOTS THAT CAN'T TAKE MORE THAN ONE BULLET NOW CAN TAKE A STORM. IT REQUIRES 3 SIMPLE STEPS**_

_** at a teammate**_

_**2. Pull the lever**_

_**3. When the button on the side begins to glow PUSH IT FOR 100X the MANLIENESS (actually it's invincibility)**_

_**Saxton Hale is not responsible for deaths, mutilations, or pain caused by the Medigun**_

The Medic looked up form the manual, "Hmmmm, why are you showing zis to me again Engineer?"

The Engineer got a surprised look on his face for a moment, and then answered "Well doc I think you should know more about your primary piece of equipment?

"Well zis is true, but I already knew how to heal people, and I had ze basic grasp of what ze button does."

"Yeah, but did ya know about the buff it gives people." the Engineer asked somewhat curious

"Well... not really."

"Well, see there's my point!"

The Medic turned his nose up, "Well if you say so."

"Hey, 'fore ya go have you seen the Scout I haven't seen him for a few days." the Engineer inquired.

"Humph, I do not know, he's probably running around looking for stashes of beer or somzing!"

The RED Scout had just woken up. He had a bag over his head and his hand were cuffed to the back of his chair. He had no idea where he was or what had happened. All he remembered was that the RED Sniper left him alone he had sat there for a moment and then he blacked out. He assumed he was captured, he wondered if they were going to kill him. Then he realized that as long as he was in this place he couldn't die. So he just sat there and waited. And waited, and waited. He didn't count the minutes, but it felt like forever. Eventually he heard the door open and mumbling. Then suddenly the bag was abruptly pulled from his head. At first he was blinded by the sudden light, but he eventually made out the faces of the two people in the room. One of them was the BLU Spy. The second was the BLU Heavy. They stared at the Scout for a few seconds. During this period of time Scout thought of a few questions to ask such as: why do you like the RED Heavy, why don't you use a switch blade, why did you do my mom. But at this period of time these questions did not feel appropriate. The BLU Heavy spoke first

"Do you know why you are here baby?"

The Scout decided a blank stare was best.

"Well if you have figured out by now, amigo, I do believe you are in trouble. We need a little bit more information about zis situation we are in and we believe your team might have some helpful information." the Spy then pulled a file out of apparently thin air and put it on the table. They were nothing special (unlike some other folders). They showed company names in obvious accordance to there respective teams.

"Um, what situation exactly guys?" the Scout asked somewhat curious.

"Why are we here, stupid." said the Heavy

The Scout thought no one really knew why they were here. They had all signed up for apparently innocent jobs. Except for the Soldier of course. So he just sat there and said nothing.

"Boy I suggest you speak up, because contrary to appearances our friend the Heavy is not ze muscle." the Spy suggested with a smirk growing on his face

"Listen man I don't know anything and why the hell did you even capture me. I'm not even an important part of my team." the RED Scout was gradually getting more and more nervous.

"Well if you don't want to help he then... I would like you to meet my friend Engineer."

He saw the door at the back of the room open and the BLU Engineer walk in. He was carrying a wrench and a toolbox

He looked at the Scout and got an evil smile.

"Heh, lets see what we can do about this situation."

The Scout wondered if anyone even noticed if he was gone.

**Demoman: HA, it feels good to be back mates**

**Soldier: Yes sir, I am happy to be here**

**Demoman: Aye, and ya all know that flamers are welcome and reviews are appreciated. And thanks for stoppin by!**

**Soldier: I am getting tired of these cliff hangers...**

**Demoman: Speaking of cliff hangers, what did the toilet say to the but**

**Soldier: Hm...**


	9. BONK!

Hey people I have decide to put this up to the vote. I was planning on doing a short back story of one of the characters so in the reviews vote with the characters name. Still review though. Oh yeah someone reminded me that my punctuation is crap, sorry about that I can't really fix it. Although I am going to try. Oh yeah and if you haven't noticed my favorite character is the Demoman!

* * *

Today was a good day, well everyday was the good day for the RED Soldier. Especially when you get to wake up to the sweet smell of combat. Today he had started his day off with the usual 10 mile run, 100 push ups, a few minutes on the punching bag, practice loading weaponry, and then breakfast. The best part was, it was all before sunrise. After he was done he had returned to his room to study the briefing documents he had received. These contained information on their opposing team and his own team. So far he had learned that the BLU Engineer had been convicted on five charges of kidnapping, torture, and cruel experimentation. The RED Engineer on the other hand had no criminal record, although this was not useful combat information so he disregarded it. Both Snipers had hunted rare and endangered animals. And worst of all he had discovered that one of his team was a traitor to America. The Medic was a German. Which meant he was a NAZI! Although the Soldier knew he could not make his move yet, although eventually he would. He then remembered he had scheduled a lecture right around breakfast. He opened his door and marched to the mess hall. As soon as he got near the door he heard an argument in progress.

"Ah... I am so hungry mate." the Demoman said, "Do you think I could have that Sandwich there eh?"

"NO! Coward do no touch my Sandvich!" the Heavy yelled

"Hey mate, I'm gonna just have a bite"

"NYET!"

"See, I told ya it's not gonna hurt it anybody."

"OH NO. You hurt Sandvich...I HURT YOU!" the Soldier could tell that things were getting more intense.

"Woah, big guy just back off here I promise ya... AHHHHH!"

The Soldier heard punching sounds so he decided that maybe he could hold off his lecture a little bit.

* * *

The RED Medic had just heard the sounds of a fight breaking out in the mess hall. He mumbled to himself as he picked up his glasses. He knew his teammates were going to be healed, so he brought his Medigun with him. When he entered the mess-hall, the first thing that caught his mind was that the last sandwich was missing. Medic was no detective, but he knew someone must have touched the Heavy's sandwich. He walked over to the Demoman and began to heal him.

"So what happened Demoman?"

The Demoman was somewhat drunk so he was already crying, "I don't know mate, I just wanted his Sandwich and then. (drunken gibberish)."

The Medic wondered if maybe there was a better job then Medic.

* * *

After being tortured for the past five hours the RED Scout was in pain. He had been beaten, electrocuted, and knifed to say the worst. And afterwords the BLU Medic just healed him although this did nothing to relieve the pain he had experienced. So the Scout just sat there and waited for inevitable. They were probably going to keep him locked up and wait until the RED team got a knew Scout then they'd kill him... No respawn then. He shivered, but not because of the cold. He looked around the room. There was really not much to report. There was a chair a table a single lightbulb and a camera. The room smelled like bleach and he had no idea why. He heard footsteps walking towards the door. The RED Scout was exhausted from the beatings he had just received and from the "healing" he had received. The door opened and the BLU Scout walked in through the door.

"Well, who do we have here chucklenut!" the BLU Scout said with an evil smirk. He was wearing. The RED Scout noticed something different about the BLU Scout, he was wearing something of a uniform. It was a short sleeve shirt blue of course, pants, long socks, and tennis shoes. It wasn't anything complex, but he wondered where he got it. He also noticed a can of soda in his hand. It was similar to his Bonk except it was blue. He had never drank his after seeing at had the word isotope on it. The BLU Scout continued to walk towards the RED Scout.

"Scout. Engineer said, "Leave him alone." So please, leave him alone, Ja?." The RED Scout noticed the BLU Medic standing near the back of the room.

"Yeah that ass-hole always needs something!" the BLU Scout grumbled. "But don't worry pal we ain't done yet!"

After they both left the RED Scout sat there. He looked around the room and noticed the can of Bonk was still on the table. Suddenly an idea came into Scout's head. If he drank it and it killed him he would respawn and no problemo! He stood up and walked to the table, and picked up the bonk. He popped the lid and took a sip.  
"OW! That stuff burned" he thought. The first thing he noticed was the headache that began. Of course he was angry so he threw the can at the wall. He walked over to the can and picked it up. If it would have just killed him... then he realized that when you want to die to escape captivity things are going pretty bad. He focused on his headache so see if he could make it disappear. When it didn't he threw the can again. Except this time something strange happened. The can seemed to move in slow motion! He stared in awe for a second and the can then sped up to normal speed and hit the wall. He picked up again and focused on his headache again extremely hard. And then threw it. This time the can seemed to crawl through the air. He smiled to himself, maybe he was hallucinating, and then the can sped up and this time hit the wall with a loud CLANG! He walked over and looked at the can. There was a huge dent in it, and he had barely tossed it. He heard footsteps coming so he decided it was make or break time. The door opened and he focused as hard as he could. Then the door opened except he could probably crawl faster the door was opening. He ran towards the door he noticed that he was still running at normal speed though. He waited until he could fit through the door, and then he slipped through it. He saw the BLU Engineer was the unlucky door opener. So he reached into the Engineer's pockets and grabbed his wrench (lol you know what wrench I'm talkin' about") pulled it out and hit Engineer over the head with it. The poor guy didn't even know what was going on. He un-focused for a minute and grabbed the pistol from the dead unconscious or dead Engineer, Scout couldn't tell. He sprinted at full speed up through the hallways. He saw the BLU Scout sitting on a bench, he stood up. So the RED Scout opened fire killing him. When he reached the end of a corridor he noticed that the BLU Heavy was waiting for him. The BLU Heavy wasted no time opening fire. The Scout focused and sprinted toward the hail of bullets. He saw the bullets moving as if they were swimmers. He easily dodged them. He decided to leave the Heavy be as he kept moving for the exit. If we would have turned back he would have seen the Heavy very confused and disoriented. RED Scout sprinted up the final staircase to be met with is worst nightmare a a gate. He could see the entire battlefield, but there was a stupid ass gate in the way. He felt like crying. He heard what sounded like foot-steps. H tried to focus to speed up, but all he felt was exhausted. He realized it must of worn off. The RED Scout just sat down and waited. His one chance at escape failed. He heard the foot-steps eventually converge on him when he looked up he saw the entire BLU Team staring at him.

"Well it looks like we have a run away POW!" the Soldier laughed, but no one found it funny.

"Nice escape attempt, but I'm afraid Monsieur Engineer warned us."

"Well, moron you about to catch a real-" the Scout said. Suddenly an explosion rocked the room. Through the smoke the RED Scout could the RED Demoman triumphantly standing next to the blown gate.

"LET'S DO IT!" he yelled.

The next few moments passed like a blur. A jar of Jarate flew in covering the already stunned BLU Team. The RED Pyro came in flamethrower blazing ignited and killing a few of the BLU. The RED Soldier shot a rocket in blowing the few survivors away. The Scout felt someone grabbing his shirt.

"Come on lad, let's get goin!" the Demoman pulled the Scout to his feet and pulled him through the gate.

"THERE IS NO PEACE IN WAR YOU BLU TRAITORS TO AMERICA!" the RED Soldier yelled, obviously enjoying his first battle in a few days. The Demoman pulled him farther away from the gate and the people that were involved in the attack retreated. When they were a good distance away. The group stopped and the RED Scout looked at them. The Sniper, Spy, Demoman, and Pyro were there.

The Scout looked at them for a moment and said, "Thanks guys for saving my ass back there, I don't want to know what could have happened..."

"No worries mate as of now you're part of the team!" the Sniper said with enthusiasm.

"No man is left behind soldier."

"Mhphmmm humphhh!"

"(burp) I missed ya like a brother!" the Demoman said beginning to cry. He was obviously drunk

"Hey guys I don't mean to be a bummer, but I'm gonna pass out now." the Scout said as he felt exhaustion beginning to take over. He heard the Soldier mumble something, but the Scout could care less, he was finally free.

* * *

**Scout: Woah I almost forgot these little ending segments were here!**

**Demoman: ALIVE AND KICKIN BOY!**

**Soldier: Well you know the drill reviews are appreciated and flamers are always welcome! By the way Demo what was the rest of that joke**

**Demoman: What joke?**

**Soldier: (sigh)**


	10. What Filming?

Hmmmm it's been awhile right, or is it just me. Well someone did a constructive review and showed me what I was doing wrong so from now I'm going to TRY and be more descriptive and make my chapters longer. But to all my loyal readers. Danke. And if your not a loyal reader you need to be, oh and sorry no more parentheses. Tell me if you like the longer chapters. And does anyone know how to get like a line break? If so please tell me.

* * *

A sense of darkness was slowly washing away. Well for the RED Scout at least. He had just opened his eyes a few seconds ago. He was still very dizzy. He had a headache. And he had the worst pain in his arm he had ever had. It took him a few seconds, but he finally remembered what had happened. He had been captured, during a cease fire too. He was going to have to ask the Soldier, their resident expert on war about that. He remembered being locked in a room handcuffed, or tied he couldn't remember to a chair. Then after being interrogated. He managed to find a can of Bonk and escape. Well of course with a little help from the team. He decided to put this behind him and look around the room he was currently in. For starters it had a horrible clean smell. A too clean smell. The kind of smell you get when a person just killed someone and bleached the room. It was also pure white. Once again as if someone took too much time cleaning the room. Scout decided to not linger on that for too long. He looked down at the table he was laying on. It of course was a standard medical examination table. He looked up that the medicine cabinet next to him. It didn't seem to have much medicine in it, it had Cyanide and something that looked like it had Anthrax written on it. He wondered how any of these things could help anyone. The RED Scout heard the door open and footsteps come in through the door. He heard a large sniff, and then whistling. He knew it was the Medic when he heard the German singing. He looked over to see the Medic in something reminiscent of a uniform. It looked like a doctors coat with a dress shirt underneath. It also had boots that seemed to make a loud boot noise whenever the Medic walked. He also noticed the sign for a medic on his shoulder. A sharpening sound rang through the room. The Scout guessed he was sharpening his knives, but for what. The Scout had always never liked doctors. They had always did two things. Gave him shots, and touched in balls. Not ways you endear yourselves to boys. And the doctor he had as a kid. Doctor Anderson, had always seemed to take a little bit too much pleasure in checking him. But the Medic was different, but in a creepy murder way. The RED Medic turned around and noticed the Scout was looking at him.

"Oh Scout I did, not expect you to be up yet... heh." he threw the to knives in his hands in the sink behind him. "Um... so how are you right now? Are you suffering from ze headaches? Nausea Pain? Exhaustion? Zhese could be signs of brain damage and could be cause for me to operate!"

However bad his headaches got, Scout would NEVER trust the Medic to put a knife anywhere near his brain.

"No doc, thanks for checking though."

"Good, because we are going to move to begin ze filming TODAY!"

" Woah, what filming doc-" the Scout asked somewhat curious.

"Gah, zhere is no time we must get on ze bus immediately!" the Medic began picking up his things and sticking them in a bag. The bag also had a medic sign on it. The Medic picked up a few things. Something that looked like a blueprint, a Medical Book, the Anthrax bottle, and some X-rays that resembled the Heavy. The Scout felt kinda awkward jut standing there.

"So, what can I do man?" the Scout asked.

"Nozing, I suggest you get going to ze bus!"

The Scout said goodbye, and walked to his room. There wasn't much to see in the hallway. It was after a egg white hallway with doorways with signs that represented there job. He walked to his door the one with the winged foot. He opened the door, and went through. There was nothing in his room special except for a few baseball posters. But he didn't really want to take anything along. He noticed on his bed was a bag with the same sign as the one on his door. He looked around for anything worthwhile. He didn't see much worth taking, so he just took the bag and left. He decided to run for a nearby exit. Of course he had no idea where an exit would be. So he decided to find someone that could tell him. He ran down the same corridor it appeared for ages. It was white with a red stripe. It had turns, but the Scout decided not to take them, after all he had no idea where he was. He noticed the Demoman running down the hall towards him singing a obscure Scottish song. When he noticed the Scout he perked up.

"Eh, lad hows it goin. Ya know you're supposed to be going the other way right?"

"Um sure, I was just trying to find you."

"HA, then off we go!" the Demoman said running off. The Scout followed him in hopes of finding an exit, although he really didn't trust him. He was drunk have the time so who could trust him. He noticed that the Demoman was also wearing something that looked like a uniform. It was a short red shirt and then a longer white shirt underneath with a vest with grenades attached to them. He also noticed that both the Demoman's bag and shoulder had the same bomb marking. He assumed this was his insignia. After a minute or so of jogging they came to an exit. Well if you can call a single glass door in the middle of a white hallway an exit. They left through the door, and near the building was a bus. The same bus that he came in on. He entered the bus and sat down. He sat there for a few minutes staring out at the endless desert. He wondered if that's where all there bases were, in the middle of nowhere. The Scout had always thought of the desert as the sea of sand. It was never ending just like the sea. So he thought the name was fitting. A few minutes of waiting later the rest of the team came. They all filed into the bus. The Sniper sat next to him. The bus immediately began to pull off. Since there were no roads around the driver just drove straight off. The Scout noticed another bus pulling out too, he could only guess who was in that one. He looked to his left. The Sniper had just sat down next to him. The first few minutes of the ride were filled with silence, but slowly people began to talk. Most of these conversations were trivial. A few were of some value, for instance the Medic was discussing with the Engineer how to create a weapon that could deliver poison. As stated earlier some were not, for instance the Demoman and Heavy arguing over which was better, bombs or bullets. The Demoman stated that since bombs could explode and create shrapnel or "the things that are always stuck in you fatty". The Heavy argued that "Sasha can put out more bullets than you can bombs" so therefore bullets were superior. The conversation continued, but the Scout tuned these out.

"Well I guess we should be talkin' mate. How are ya likin this place?" the Scout turned his head, the Sniper had asked the question.

"Um, I guess it's decent I mean people are getting killed, but at least they aren't gone for good right. So overall it's decent..."

"Hehehehe, I like it a lot mate. It's my dream job. Precision Elimination. Just like the bush." the Scout wondered was everyone one a half-crazy killing enthusiast.

"So um, how did you get here?"

"Well, it's a long story mate," the Sniper looked out the window to the expanse of the desert, "but it looks like we have a lot of time. Well it all started when I went in for my interview..."

* * *

_The Sniper had just entered the lobby of a non-descript building in Australia. He went up to the receptionist and told her his name. She looked down at clip board and nodded at the nearby seat. The Sniper was one of those people that plan for any situation. So instead of picking up a magazine like the rest of the "wankas" he sat down in his seat and studied his surroundings. It was a red room, with windows perfect for a sniper to look through and BAM, headshot. He moved over a seat to get out of any possible assassination attempt through the windows. He then looked at the nearby desk with magazines placed on it. It seemed safe. He quickly checked under the magazines and underneath the table for any explosives. After seeing these were safe. He looked at the only other person besides the receptionist in the room. It was a woman, quite attractive by some standards, but the Sniper trusted no __one. The woman looked up and smiled, but the Sniper just stared her down. After a few awkward moments the woman looked down. A few minutes later someone called the Sniper in. He stood up and followed the man that called him in. As he was walking, he noticed that hallway was completely white. Finally the man stopped and pointed to a door in the hallway. The Sniper entered the door. Inside was a man, although he couldn't see his face. There was a table chair and a single lightbulb. He sat down and looked at the man. The man at first didn't speak, but finally he reached into the darkness and pulled out a file with "Secret" stamped on it. _

_He opened the folder and said, "So it says that you are a skilled marksman, correct?"_

"_Bloody hell I am, the best in the buisness, you know back in the day I used to be the best kid with those pellet guns I-"_

"_Thank you, but that is all we really need to know."_

_The Sniper frowned, "I thought this was a bloody interview not a questionare!"_

"_Well, that is all we really need to know. Although your resigme says you were once arrested for hunting an rare endangered animal. Do you care to explain?" the man said._

"_That's a funny story I used to go hunting, and this one time I happened along this beautiful Leapord, I had to go to Africa of course. She was a smart one too. I had to stalk her for days. Drinking only decaf coffee, and pissing in a jar. But when I got her cornered it turns out I left my rifle. So I had to cut her down with my bare hands! I gave the pelt to my mom, and I keep the teeth on a hat of mine."_

"_Hmmmmmm," the man was obviously interested, "amazing, well you are hired."_

_There was a pause for a second. "What, you got to be joking!" the Sniper said amazed that a story about his illegal enterprises could get him hired._

"_Yes, you will be in the position of Precision Elimination." He passed a file to the Sniper._

"_This contains the location of everything you will need for the job, and the location and the means to get to the location, where your job will begin._

_The Sniper looked down at the file. It was also labled secret. When he opened it, a few photos came out. Mostly of different sniper rifles. _

"_We have different equipment, for you to choose from." the man said._

_The Sniper looked up from the file, "Thanks for the offer, but I got my own rifle," he thought for a second, "but it could sure use some modifications."_

_He could almost see the man smile, "We can do that."_

* * *

"And that's where I got this beaut' right here." the Sniper pointed to his weapon. "It moves fast. So fast that by the time you hear her, your already dead!"

To the Scout the rifle was nothing special, but it looked like it was to the Sniper so the Scout held his tounge. Not literally of course.

"Well, thanks Sniper for the tale, but uh I thought you said it was going to be long..." the Sniper just laughed, but not the happy kind of laugh, the creepy murder laugh.

All of sudden the bus stopped the Scout hadn't been paying attention, but it appeared that they had stopped in front of another empty area in the middle of nowhere. When the Scout looked down he realized they were above the area where they were supposed to be. There was a large gravel wall on one side of the arena. The first thing he noticed was that there was a small house with blue colors on it. There was also three metal circles with a a holographic verion of the RED logo. He started to peek over the edge but, their bus pulled up and the bus driver began honking, a sign for them to get off.

As soon as they got off the bus the Soldier yelled, "LET'S MOVE FILMING BEGINS NOW!"

The Scout would have to figure out what was going on later, and maybe for once nothing bad would happen to him.

* * *

**Scout: So guys what filming are we talking about.**

**Spy: I believe we are filming your mother (snort)!**

**Scout: Dude, you aren't even the right spy to be making jokes about my mom.**

**Medic: Gah, pipe down dumpkophs, as usual ze reviews are appreciated and flamers are always welcome!**


End file.
